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+0   01.04.2019 18:19:25    


Malcontention (abbreviated)
_____________________________

Mother and son sit alone in the cold A kerosene lamp with dirty glass
Paints the room ochre and dust
Rock Cold
wince!

She pushes back up against the night
Lighting Lucky Strikes one after one in chains
Talking to demons buried deep within the swirling smoke
Rock Cold
wince!

Her son sits unseen under the table
Looking as the play unfolds
Trying to understand a past before he was born
Before I became
Rock Cold
wince!

Memories did not playback as an old black ; white movie, all assembled and chronological. More like, samples and scraps of photographs and an intermittent shushing of white noise. The remembrance that I experienced was out of sync, having nothing to do with the memories that I had. The cold finally numbed my brain to sleep. Occasionally, I would wake with a shiver and a start when the old wood framed house creaked and settled. Or maybe a strange memory crept in, possibly belonging to someone else, that had once lived there. Waking slowly and regaining an upright position was painful. My bladder insisted it was time to leave the house and find a tree in the back yard to relieve myself. I watched the mist rise and was momentarily aware of the possibility of being seen, although it was still dark. A blue ; white Police Car pulled up and an Officer with a flashlight climbed the front porch steps, talking to the neighbor who had called, about a suspicious stranger seen earlier. I waited quietly, shivering, behind the bushes and tree. My feet began to freeze. My first instinct was to show my self, after all, ‘it was my house once.

Then the sense that I was homeless, with no visible means of support, a vagrant, realized. Incarceration was imminent. Eventually, the Police Car left. I too, walked away. Leaving the coldest spot, I have ever known. Years have dragged on. My feet still feel the cold and damp, of that back yard in Michigan. The Doctor says: "It's the blood pressure medication, that makes the extremities feel cold. "Perhaps, personally, I think it's the cold memories of that childhood house that root my feet to the frozen past.
Life be like that, sometimes.

I walk the streets alone at night. Most of the houses already have their lights turned out. The Moon plays hide n' seek with clouds and bare tree branches. I listen to backyard dogs barking and whispers of overgrown grass at the ‘Widow Bowen's, swaying slowly as she herself may have danced many dreams ago. Fences of picket, wire, and mesh, cast shadows onto the cement sidewalk squares, alluding to snares and pits of demons, waiting to devour my thoughts. Behind the clapboard framed houses, gardens grew sparse and twisted. Sometimes, I stop and stare off into the nothingness. Thinking. "Snow as cold powder, measured in more feet than me. Drifting up against wood framed houses, Icicles dripping off eaves. Bare black branches cracking ‘staccato, in the Concerto of my childhood dreams, in a world, where the clouds are blue and the sky dirty green. Life is, what it is. Cold and mean."

The Autumn clouds gather, rolling slowly across the small town quiet. Oak leaves tensed in anticipation of the wrenching winds to come. The Birch trees tightened their iron grip and braced their bark against the chilling. All things joined in sighs, breathing in the last long warmth of Sun. October's celebration colors emerged for their frantic dance of dying. Spent, then drained, the cold shadows fell into nocturnal slumber. Memories fall away in swirls, mere dreams of another time. The world slips to sleep, as man, once again, prepares for war.

I remembered the cold watered house
On that bleak Wintered street
With the stale musty stink
Of unwashed sock and sheet
Dirty dishes left standing
On the table and in the sink
Memories drenched in scent
Of kerosene and coal
Of Christmases without trees
Colored papers or ribbon's ; bows
Yet, there was laughter
and Yes, there was love
Her making toast over-done
and coffee too thin for me
Poverty of wage and things
Suppressed loves passion
and became a gentle mist
Of what could have been
Instead of what is.

I realize I'm talking out LOUD, to my self. There is no audience of appreciation. Every day I am borne anew, through the mud and sludge of decadent dreams and some vague remembrance, that I'm connected to my past. I stare at a mirrored reflection that I do not recognize. My cold pinching shoes feel too far away to tie, as I try to remember, where I'm going and why. I try to capture that which is lost The world that was meant for me Is not the world in which I live. My face feels the sting of one hand clapping. My eyes focus on the world outside of my self. The colors change from ‘Dali-esque vibrancy, to being all sooty and smelling of sweat. Ahhh, it must be Monday morning and time to go back to work... But then, I forget, I don't have a job. I forget how long its been since I had a
job. The mind is a terrible thing as it wanders in and out of reality. The mirror is not just glass upon a wall. The mirror is also memory flashbacks. The ‘works of our hands today are molding images for future reflection. I had tired of the life I had been living, so I drank. I drank a lot. I danced with bar flies and any woman that could hold me up. Slow dancing, One two, One two. Hair soft washed, inhaled warm. She fit into each step, anticipating. We moved as one, with Drum, Brush and Bass. Our minds focused on being in the moment. Discarding worldly problems. Only we existed in tune with the croon of my pretend voice, expressing my soul, because I was unable, or unwilling, to break the bond of our dance. We tried to keep that eternal fire of our youth. The shimmering blur, of blue colored lights, spun around the semi darkness. Our steps scratching salt into the hardwood floor. The music stopped. We held onto that moment. Extending eternity. Then consciously, embarrassed, we slowly drifted in opposite directions. I still remember that dance. I never did ask her name.

Another day of the dead as I stare at my empty bed. I see shadows of the Moon as time falls behind. Love had grown old and turned to dust. The papers of Divorce have finally been signed. Disappointment has replaced my once young lust. Words can no longer describe, what is left of my mind, as once held hopes and dreams now slowly unravel and
unwind. The Sun turns dim and grows small upon the western sky. Clouds from the east, join with clouds from the north and grayness comes into my world. The ecstatic colors of Autumn leaves silently fall to ground. The Dog Winds of Winter called forth their biting, knowing she was no longer there to warm me with her smile.

The Fall leaves colored up,I found center and faced South
"Might as well start walking my ass some more." I say to my self
I had gone back home, it wasn't there anymore
I had no future except my next step
Hungriness forced asleep
Dead-air feed's on my innards
And yet, never had I felt so alive
I feel the wind push me further along the highway
Pushed by the driving force of Peterbilts and Reo's
Death a dark lonely step just to the left of shoulder
the Sign read:
‘WATCH OUT! FOR FALLING ROCKS'
Walk-a-step
Impact on the endless lostness
Despair unworthy of the energy required
Onemindedness
Step Impact Step, Step
Taillights stop
Door open
Light on friendly face
Smile, Jump in as a grateful alley-cat seeking shelter from the rain,
Sot, footsoak, water-blister, blood wet, of another years-end drizzle
Feel the warm fragrant above my own Zen-stench
Step. Step. Now, Ride.

Something was missing in my life. It has been missing all my life. ‘The Reflection.' Seeing my self, in someone's eyes, seeing me as I am. Most people saw me as I appeared. Not as I am. Others saw me as old, but not grown up and they wished I would go away and bother someone else. It seemed like just yesterday that I sat across from her. Looked into her eyes, hoping for the reflection, that said, ‘I want to be with you for eternity and beyond.' I did not see that reflected in her eyes. She did not see me as I am. I am missing her, in my life. The scent of Fall's burning leaves had brought back memories of her. She had asked, "How I was doing? " and I had spoken, as a child in pain, seeking sympathies relief as a puppy. I should have seen the hard leather coat, the motorcycle grease under her nails and known she was not impressed with me. I was vulnerable and in need of her strength. She was bored with me and needed more than I was capable of giving. She turned away and was gone. As I castigated my own weakness, Sheila came around the corner, speaking with her soft eyes. I barked abruptly. She recoiled as if slapped. Thrusting my hands deep into my pockets, shuffled through the dead leaves of an empty street, wishing I had someone with which to share an October night.

"Moon of many names, come out from your hiding.
Show your face of blood. Shed the pretense of ‘romance.
Falling leaves whisper your true nature
and changing seasons announce, that ‘ten colds,
Will thin the herd,
Before the realization felleth,
That WE, are the harvest."

He spoke, saying "Follow Me." / I said, ‘I ain't No Priest.'

Barely had the air escaped my lips, that my life turned
01.04.2019 18:40:27
#180375 [+-] Piilota Suosittele

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01.04.2019 20:08:22 | 20:09:26
#180477 [+-] Piilota Suosittele

Nice riff dude +1


>>180375



A Very Long Poem
__________________

This poem is very long
So long, in fact, that your attention span
May be stretched to its very limits
But that’s okay
It’s what’s so special about poetry
See, poetry takes time
We live in a time
Call it our culture or society
It doesn’t matter to me cause neither one rhymes
A time where most people don’t want to listen
Our throats wait like matchsticks waiting to catch fire
Waiting until we can speak
No patience to listen

But this poem is long
It’s so long, in fact, that during the time of this poem
You could’ve done any number of other wonderful things
You could’ve called your father
Call your father
You could be writing a postcard right now
Write a postcard
When was the last time you wrote a postcard?
You could be outside
You’re probably not too far away from a sunrise or a sunset
Watch the sun rise
Maybe you could’ve written your own poem
A better poem
You could have played a tune or sung a song
You could have met your neighbor
And memorized their name
Memorize the name of your neighbor
You could’ve drawn a picture
(Or, at least, colored one in)
You could’ve started a book
Or finished a prayer
You could’ve talked to God
Pray
When was the last time you prayed?
Really prayed?

This is a long poem
So long, in fact, that you’ve already spent a minute with it
When was the last time you hugged a friend for a minute?
Or told them that you love them?
Tell your friends you love them

…no, I mean it, tell them

Say, I love you

Say, you make life worth living
Because that, is what friends do
Of all of the wonderful things that you could’ve done
During this very, very long poem
You could have connected
Maybe you are connecting
Maybe we’re connecting
See, I believe that the only things that really matter
In the grand scheme of life are God and people
And if people are made in the image of God
Then when you spend your time with people
It’s never wasted
And in this very long poem
I’m trying to let a poem do what a poem does:
Make things simpler
We don’t need poems to make things more complicated
We have each other for that
We need poems to remind ourselves of the things that really matter
To take time
A long time
To be alive for the sake of someone else for a single moment
Or for many moments

Cause we need each other

To hold the hands of a broken person
All you have to do is meet a person
Shake their hand
Look in their eyes

They are you

We are all broken together
But these shattered pieces of our existence don’t have to be a mess
We just have to care enough to hold our tongues sometimes
To sit and listen to a very long poem
A story of a life
The joy of a friend and the grief of friend
To hold and be held
And be quiet

So, pray
Write a postcard
Call your parents and forgive them and then thank them
Turn off the TV
Create art as best as you can
Share as much as possible, especially money
Tell someone about a very long poem you once heard
And how afterward it brought you to them

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